Someone Asks Introverts What They Wish Extroverts Would Understand About Them, 69 People Deliver
There are a lot of myths that come with being an introvert. And there are plenty of things that introverts would love for others to know, just to make things clearer. So Reddit user Velvetxily asked their fellow internet introverts to share one thing they’d wish that extroverts would understand about them in a viral thread. Scroll down, upvote the responses that you agree with, and let us know whether you think you’re an introvert or an extrovert in the comments, dear Pandas.
Myths like the idea that introverts are shy and hate socializing with people end up confusing us. Dr. Juli Fraga told Healthline that introversion and extroversion are personality characteristics that are influenced by nature and nurture. They’re deal more with how we recharge, less with how we act.
“Extroversion and introversion refer to where people receive energy from. Extroverts are energized by socializing in larger groups of people, having many friends, instead of a few intimate ones while introverts are energized by spending time alone or with a smaller group of friends,” the psychologist explained.
#1Alone is not the same thing as lonely.
#2It's not that I don't want to talk to you, it's that I straight up don't want to talk. At all. To anyone.
#3I’m not depressed or lonely. I genuinely enjoy staying home and spending time by myself.
Velvetxily’s thread was wildly successful. Not only did they get over 15.8k upvotes and a handful of Reddit awards, but their post also started a massive discussion with more than 5.5k comments! That just shows how many misconceptions extroverts might have about their introverted pals.
Dr. Fraga pointed out that introverts aren’t anti-social or anything like that. They enjoy building relationships and socializing with others just as much as extroverts. However, one thing that’s different is their “tolerance level” for how much socializing they’re comfortable with.
If you’re at a party that goes on for a week straight, you’ll eventually find that you have a limit for how much you can socialize, too, even if you’re the biggest extrovert around. Introverts simply need more breaks from socializing so that they can be fully invested when they’re hanging out with the people that they care about.
#4Just because I don't want to go out doesn't mean I don't like you.
#5That we need to recharge after so much interaction.
#6Not all introverts are shy and quiet.
I tend to be loud and outgoing with people I know and/or like, for a certain amount of time. Then I need to crawl into my hole and recharge. Interaction with more than one person at a time exhausts me, and I can't deal with more than one social event a week. The fact that I sometimes I talk a lot, I can hold eye contact and don't completely suck at small talk doesn't make me any less introverted.
Another myth that needs to be busted is that introverts supposedly take fewer risks than extroverts. According to Dr. Fraga, our fears and desires are distinct from being intro- and extroverted.
She also pointed out that people tend to mix confidence and being an extrovert together which creates misconceptions about introverts supposedly being shy. Dr. Fraga said that confidence isn’t about being social all the time and having a huge number of friends; confidence is all about knowing what’s best for you and following through.
If more people knew these things, then maybe, just maybe, we wouldn’t need threads like Velvetxily’s to explain introversion to people.
#7Lockdown is pretty much how I live my life anyway. Contactless delivery has been an awesome addition.
#8Just because I’m a good listener doesn’t mean you can constantly use me as your soundboard/therapist.
#9If I haven't made eye contact in 20 minutes and I've said "right" as many times, it might be time to enjoy some silence. Speaking of silence, it's f**king golden.
#10I'm not lazy, I just need time to recover.
This is something I saved from a while back when someone asked this question. It helps to explain some basics of a introvert so hope this helps you guys as much as it helped me! "Introvert here, I wish everyone - intoverts included - understood the meaning of being introverts. Myth #1 : Introverts don’t like to talk. This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days. Myth #2 : Introverts are shy. Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite. Myth #3 : Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting. Myth #4 : Introverts don’t like people. On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in. Myth #5 : Introverts don’t like to go out in public. Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts. Myth #6 : Introverts always want to be alone. Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time. Myth #7 : Introverts are weird. Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy. Myth #8 : Introverts are aloof nerds. Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them. Myth #9 : Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun. Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up. Myth #10 : Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ. And also:
• Being introvert doesn't mean shy
• Being introvert doesn't mean having social anxiety"
#12If I'm quiet, I promise I'm not judging you or anything around us. 99% of the time, I'm thinking about something totally unrelated.
#13Not every silence is awkward and needs to be filled. Just keep quiet for a moment, especially in the morning
#14I was social distancing before it was cool
#15Yes its possible to play games all day everyday and not use a mic to communicate.
#16We are not necessarily "lonely." People just assume people who are introverted are lonely and depressed. I'm not depressed, I just like being by myself.
#17Stop trying to 'change' introversion. It's not a flaw. If i don't want to dance, don't push me saying im shy. If i don't want to flirt in a club, stop saying i should get over it. Stop pushing me to be 'more social'. Also, I do enjoy time by myself. I don't feel depressed or lonely. Just stop pushing in general.
#18That it’s very frustrating when they announce you’re super quiet and don’t talk much..... yeah obviously I f**kin knew that thanks
Also please don’t tell us to smile more
#19Texts are emails not instant chats
#20That I’ll talk but I need 7-10 business days to think about what I’m going to say and revise it at least 14 times before I say it.
If you ask me a question and I don’t answer for a minute I’m not trying to be an asshole or ignoring you but I am STRUGGLING to come up with the proper words to say. A lot of the time I don’t even realize just how long I have to think to conjure up the words to convey what I’m trying to say.. especially if it’s something to do with how I feel and somebody else’s feelings are involved trying to figure out what to say feels like diffusing a bomb sometimes lol
Which is why typing is 10x better, (and I always turn off the little typing animation if I can so that people don’t make fun of me for typing for 10 minutes to say two sentences lol)
#21We're not inferior or less mature just because we don't feel the need to talk over people. In fact, that's actually what we think about you when you needlessly blurt out rude comments.
#22If you point out that I'm quiet I'm 100x less likely to ever open up to you.
#23When you say "OMG I'M AN INTROVERT TOO", I don't expect you to talk more for 2 hours straight and keep breaking the silence, can we just like, be quiet for a moment ;w;
#24Introverted =/= Shy.
#25Pointing out how quiet I am won't suddenly make me talkative.
It sounds like you're pointing out a flaw that you dislike about me which makes me unnecessarily uncomfortable around you. I remain even more quiet than I usually would be because I feel judged and unwelcome for simply being myself. Not to mention, it comes so out of nowhere.
It's as if I told you "you talk a lot" with a straight face. You wouldn't take it as a compliment. It doesn't even sound like an observation that should be said out loud. You'd just wonder what the hell was the point of me saying that to you.
Honestly, how do you even reply to this without sounding offended or snarky?
#26Just because we’re introverts, doesn’t mean we’re not interesting or have no hobbies. We have our own set of pastimes and likings, but sometimes we’re just not in a comfortable setting to share or talk about them.
#27Most times I don't want to be bothered especially after working all day and putting up with noise and people. It's draining to be around people all day and when I come home it's "Me" time. I can only be around people for so long and I start feeling edgy if I can't just tune out.
#28In any social group/ party, I'm happy to sit silently and observe. No, I'm not feeling left alone. No, I'm not getting bored. Your pointing that out only makes me more awkward.
#29Small talks are worse than interviews
#30That I often want to be alone. Seriously, I'm 16 and my mother keeps harrassing me to go with my friends when I reapeat I want to be alone.
#31When I don't contact them for a while they don't need to "check" on me or feel bad if they don't, I just don't want to talk to anyone sometimes.
#32Headphones/earbuds in ears= don’t talk to me But that’s for people in general
#33My job requires that I be assertive, communicative, and lead project teams.
How the f**k do I tell people I'm an introvert outside of the office and need to decompress/am not blowing them off? Don't be insulted if I say "some other time?"
#34That I’m actually cool with sitting in silence with you on the room for an hour or so. I don’t feel the need to fill the silence and don’t feel awkward not speaking.
And I can see you shifting around uncomfortably while we’re doing this.
#35Don’t worry, I don’t feel excluded out of the group, continue the conversation
#36I live alone on a farm. I don't go out to the local bars. I don't try to date any locals. Some weeks I dont ever leave the property. And people always ask me. How I can stand to live in the middle of nowhere. Well s**t thats the easy part.
#37I don't hate you. I'm not mad. I'm just quiet. Also, I hate phonecalls. My family and my best friend I don't mind being on the phone with. Work calling me is tolerable. Anyone else? Forget it! Just text me!
#38I never said it, but as an introvert, thank you to the extroverts who adopted me.
#39You are the pro at eye contact. Am I ever making it, like... EVER? If so, even a little bit, then I'm not talking because I'm actively paying attention to you. I'm NOT talking, I'm NOT interrupting, I'm NOT talking over you, because what you are saying interests me. My lack of interaction means I am interested in what you are telling me, please continue. My sporadic, seemingly reluctant, eye contact, is me pressing the next button in the dialogue, and then immediately looking away because my attention is once again on what you are saying.
Being an introvert sometimes means I don't want to talk, but can also mean that I want to listen to YOU talk.
#40Some of us don’t enjoy being introverted all the time, but we don’t want to act extroverted cause we don’t know how to and we might come off as desperate
#41Just because I don't immediately know respond to your barrage of phone call and texts doesn't mean i hate you and i dont like going out much so when you force me to walk around primark for 5 hrs im gonna get annoyed with you
#42I hate phone calls and I do not understand why you “miss my voice.” I have never missed anyone’s voice. That’s weird.
I hate when people text, “I know you hate phone calls but can I please just call you for a bit.” Ugh. No.
#43Some of the best conversation I have is with myself, so could you kindly stfu and quit interrupting my thoughts?
#44It’s not that I’m anti social or don’t want friends. And if I make friends I am not a, ‘fake introvert’. I just don’t always get energy from being with people avoid parties and are more self reserved. BUT I DO WANT FRIENDS I AM NOT ANTISOCIAL!!!
#45Introversion isn't the same as social anxiety or depression. It means that you have to recharge after too much social interaction. Introverted people can be more talkative than extroverted people, they just need a break from talking every now and then.
#46We don't hate you, we just like being alone sometimes. This is one of those times.
#47It gets physically exhausting for me to be social.
Imagine if I called you up in the afternoon every other day and said "hey you wanna go for a an hour run with me? It'll be fun!" Bet you'd hang up on my ass in a hurry if you didn't stop answering all together.
#48Just because I don’t chat you up about every little thing doesn’t mean I don’t like you.
#49I saw this quote a year ago and it sums it up perfectly.
I like being alone. I have control over my own space. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to be better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person, you are competing with my comfort zone.
#50Sometimes being around people who neglect you feels more lonely than being alone.
#51Being around others is just so draining...
#52I need to spend some time by myself. This is why I wake up so damn early, it's so I have 1-2 hours everyday where you're all asleep and I can start my day in blissful silence.
I love all of you, but not before 6AM, just go the f**k back to sleep. This is my time.
#53Spending time with 1-3 friends is fantastic.
Doing the same with 10+ people, even if you like all of them, blows.
#54Do you know what I do not want after a full day at work? - More social interaction. If I have something to discuss - I will. Otherwise, please, just leave me alone.
#55It’s not you. I’m interested, I just don’t know what to say. Or what to do with my face. Or how to hide that I don’t know what to do or say. But keep talking, I’m soaking it in
#56I want somebody to understand what I’m feeling, but I don’t have the courage to tell people what I’m feeling, so I might just seem distant.
#57That my idea of hanging out also includes us sitting next to each other, not saying anything & just enjoying each other’s company. Which is why I love going to the movies with friends, lol.
I played in the JHS girls basketball team. (Right before the lockdown happened) And towards the end of the season, some girls said that they "know me". I barley even talked to them. They said I was "sensitive", I "hated conversation" and I was "anti-social". I'm actually none of those things! This pissed me off. It got to the point where they said my life was perfect, like, what. the. f**k. My mother left the family when I was nine, my grandmother had to go through back surgeries. 11 of them, in fact. I'm also an autistic person. I've been bullied just because of the way I look and act. That's not even all of my problems here. My point is that I wish extraverts had more knowledge on how we interaverts just act the way we do. Life would be so much better if those people could leave me alone.
#59I don't know if it's just me, but when I cry, I prefer it if you don't make a fuss. I can get tears under control and move on if I'm left alone. If you begin asking questions "oh what's wrong/are you ok?" Then it gets worse and I get into a state where I physically cannot talk, which makes most people ask more questions and so on and it feels like an interrigation and I just feel really uncomfortable.
#60People might think I'm depressed or lonely, I stay home and do nothing all the time, but I honestly feel like the freest/happiest person in every circle I'm in. Everyone else seems so miserable.
#61I remember in middle school, my English teacher had us do an activity where she would call one person’s name out and then the rest of the class would have to write words describing that person on the board. The majority of mine were all various synonyms for quiet, timid, and shy. I didn’t particularly enjoy that activity very much.
#62If I got both earbuds in, I want to be left alone. If I only got 1 earbud in, I'm fine with making conversation.
#63I really don’t have that much to talk about because I hate being interrupted, hate interrupting, and frankly don’t speak unless I have something of value to add to the conversation. Sometimes I prefer to sit on the sidelines of a conversation. Just let me gosh darn be!
#64I don’t want to be forced to interact with people.
#65when I say I am doing nothing, I mean I am doing nothing
#66That I listen better than I speak and I’d rather not talk most of the time.
#67I enjoy hanging out with people a lot more than most introverts but I like being quiet when I do
#68That I don't need to make new friends if I have at least one person to talk to. No, I'm not lonely. I'm a loner. I don't care for social interaction with strangers 98% of the time. I wish my boyfriend would understand that my life does not revolve around having friends or speaking to others. Idc if that makes me seem weird or mean.
#69If i wanna separate myself for a bit, then ill f**king do it. Dont you dare come between me and my alone time